Living in the past (tense)

The more I write, the more I am aware of language around me in all forms: written, verbal and visual. Sure, nobody gets it right all the time (myself included). But when it goes wrong, it  can go terribly wrong.

Of all the plain English sins a speaker or writer can commit, passive language is one of my biggest bugbears. Using the second person when talking about yourself is also incredibly annoying. Not sure what I mean? Think about the last post-match interview you listened to, when a sports person was asked to comment on their performance. It probably went something like this:

"You know, it gets hard but you've just got to get out there and give it your best [110%!] and when you finish you feel so good bla bla bla ..."

It's not just sports people who flout plain English. Speaking or writing in past tense when asking a question in the present makes no sense at all. Here's a conversation I had with a shop assistant last weekend when buying stationery as a gift.

Were you in our loyalty club?
No and I don't think I am now either.
I can check on our system. What was your last name?
The same as it is now.
I can't find you. [No surprises.] Did you want to join our loyalty club?
No thanks. I didn't then and I still don't.
Were you wanting any cards or wrapping paper for this gift?
No thanks, I wasn't.

In case you're wondering, I didn't actually answer her questions with those exact words. Not only would it have been rude but the points would have been entirely lost on her.

So what is my point? Why am I being so pedantic about language? Does it even matter?

If you shuddered while reading this,
you'll know what I'm talking about.

Yes, it does. Seriously, who speaks like that??

Apparently more people than I realised. Here's an excerpt from a phone conversation I had yesterday with someone trying to help me retrieve my password from a government agency account. I'd set it up some time in the early 2000s and was locked out for increasing lengths of time at every password attempt.

What website were you wanting to access?
When? Now or back when I first set up the account 15+ years ago?

And so the pattern was set.

Please, do yourself and those around you a favour: say what you mean and mean what you say when you say it.

*steps down from soapbox*

Word of the day: pithy

Following the success of last year's word of the day, pecksniffian, I have a new word to add to my everyday vocabulary. The word came to my attention today in the form of feedback emailed to a colleague:

"At 15 pages in length this is a substantial document and doesn't meet requirements in terms of being a pithy and succinct indication of outcomes."

Pithy? Isn't that something found underneath the skin of citrus fruits, like mandarins or oranges?

Apparently not. Several sources offer variations on the following definitions:

• brief, forceful, and meaningful in expression
• full of vigor, substance, or meaning
• terse and vigorously expressive
• forcible
• using few words in a clever and effective way
• having substance and point.

I guess they make sense in the context, albeit the word just sounded very strange in a formal email.

I think pithy might be best used as a substitute word. We practised using it in some different contexts in the office today.

Favourite song:
Will Smith's Gettin' Pithy Wit It


Favourite way to feel sorry for yourself:
Throw a pithy party for ... nobody, because they wouldn't come if you invited them anyway.

Favourite band:
Pithies

Favourite expression:
I'm really pithed off.

Favourite warning:
Don't pith me off.

Favourite way to describe the weather (derivative):
It's pithing down outside.

Favourite childhood game:
Pithy in the middle

Your challenge: use the word pithy in a sentence in a completely inappropriate way and see if anyone notices.

Word of the day: pecksniffian

Quite randomly, a colleague decided that we should have a word of the day for today and that today's chosen word would be pecksniffian. The challenge is to use the word in a sentence, preferably one that is casually thrown into conversation or, even better, used in a meeting.

Not sure what (a) pecksniffian is? She provided us with this helpful information.

PRONUNCIATION
(pek-SNIF-ee-uhn)

MEANING
adjective: Pretending to have high moral principles; sanctimonious, hypocritical.

ETYMOLOGY
After Seth Pecksniff, a character in Charles Dickens's novel Martin Chuzzlewit. Earliest documented use: 1844.

NOTES
Charles Dickens describes Pecksniff like this: "Some people likened him to a direction-post, which is always telling the way to a place, and never goes there."

USAGE
"Dominique was in two minds about inviting the Thingammys to the party – Horace was a dear, but Mavis was a Pecksniffian old trout."

And so the discussion begin. Who do we know that is pecksniffian? Hyacinth Bucket would qualify, surely. Many (most?) politicians would also be pecksniffian. We tried out the word of the day in as many contexts as we could imagine but think it is going to take at least a few more days to a) remember how to say it correctly and b) remember to use it.

How about a Word of Every Few Days instead?

Welcome to New Zillund

I saw this image on Blog on the Tracks today and had to steal it for myself. Priceless!

Zoom in closer and take a better look. For anyone who knows what the New Zealand accent sounds like, you'll know what I mean. Although I love New Zealand, I'm one of those cultural cringers; I find it embarrassing to listen to Prime Minister John Key speak, especially during overseas interviews.

While we laugh about fush n chups and other words on this list, I can assure you they are not made up. Apparently Wendy was one of the names my parents were throwing around when I was born. Dad liked it, Mum wasn't fussed, but my Italian grandmother had the final say: "Windy? How can you call a baby Windy?" Whew!

I remember learning about New Zealand English at school. Back then, rising intonations, diphthongs and a broad accent were just things we had to know about to pass exams but, sadly, they are very real. Just step outside the country for a moment or two and you'll notice it immediately. *shudder*

As a teacher, I have made audio recordings for my students for years, particularly for those living overseas. I'm conscious that I speak quite quickly and make a concerted effort to talk s l o w l y when recording or speaking publicly. I emailed off an audio file to a kiwi family living in China, feeling proud of my efforts. The next day, I received an email back from the children's mother. She and the kids were thrilled with my recording and said it reminded them how much they missed hearing the kiwi accent. I was mortified! Needless to say, I now record at my usual talking pace lest my attempts to slow down and enunciate carefully be misinterpreted.

What do you think of the kiwi accent?

Good morning

Yes, I know it's the afternoon but good morning kind of gives the flavour for this blog post. I was looking back through some unpublished draft posts and came across one with what seemed like a few random words but, upon closer inspection, made more sense.

Let me explain the title. To me, good morning is an oxymoron - you know, a phrase or figure of speech which combines contradictory terms. I have no objection to mornings; I just wish they wouldn't start so early in the day. Fun run is another oxymoron. Seriously, whoever looks like they are having fun while they are running? There is a list of funny oxymorons (or oxymora) which include examples such as adult male and clear as mud.

I looked at the words on my list and realised I'd written down some examples of personal food oxymorons. Yes, they're technically not oxymorons at all, but the principle remains: for me, they are examples of two things I like coming together to make something I intensely dislike. (There are some examples of actual food oxymorons here, but I like my definition better.)

How can it be possible that the sum of all the ingredients turns into something so contradictory? Here are some examples:

• I love coffee. I love cake. I love coffee and cake together. But, coffee cake? No thanks!
• I love cheese. (Mmmm, cheese.) And we already know that I love cake. So cheesecake would make perfect sense, right? Nope. Not for me!
• I especially love chocolate. I also love hot cross buns - it's a heaven food for me. However, chocolate hot cross buns don't appeal to me at all.
• Fruit jam. This one is slightly different. I love fruit and berries and I love sweet, sugary things. So why don't I like jam of any flavour?

What is an example of a food oxymoron for you, ie two ingredients you really like to eat coming together to make something you dislike?