Speaking up

Generally, I am pretty bad at speaking up. There are so many occasions when things happen (or don't happen), yet either go unnoticed or get swept under the carpet because it's easier to just not complain and cause discomfort. I prefer to vote with my feet and just quietly go elsewhere next time, but that's not always possible, especially in ongoing situations. I'm not sure if it's fear of retribution, fear of being blamed for causing the problem, appearing like a trivial moaner, or not wanting to upset someone, but I'm dreadful at complaining to people about a product or service.

Last year, a friend's partner treated three of us to a pampering and high tea session. Most of it was fantastic, but there were a couple of moments when things got uncomfortable. At the time, I was in the middle of ongoing treatment for a damaged disc in my back and my osteopath had given strict instructions for me to pass on to the masseuse about I'd need during the course of a massage. I passed these instructions on and they were agreed to, then promptly ignored. I wriggled and squirmed throughout my massage but couldn't let myself speak up; it was so peaceful and quiet, and maybe they were just about to turn me like they were supposed to and I'd only annoy them by pushing the situation? Nope, no change. The session finished with a copper foot bath consisting of Earl Grey tea leaves floating in extremely hot water. (It's supposed to be good for you. Hmm.) Two of us asked for some cooler water to be added to the mix as we couldn't cope with the heat. We were informed that "that temperature is correct" and effectively dismissed, leaving us to grin and bear it for fear of being told off again. So why couldn't we just insist that we were about to be scalded, instead of just keeping quiet and trying to endure it?

A South African colleague was telling about someone she knew in her homeland who was a 'serial complainer'. She had a whole room full of compensation and apology products from companies she had complained to about almost everything. It seemed to work for her. I could think of nothing more uncomfortable.

For a number of years, my band regularly played at a local cabaret. The owner was an incredibly calm and compassionate woman. She told me about how patrons would eat a full buffet meal (sometimes with second helpings), then go downstairs to complain to her about the quality of the food, or how their salt shaker was partially clogged up, therefore they couldn’t put salt evenly on their food and it ruined their entire meal. She would listen and nod sympathetically and say she understood how awful that must have been for them. Then, they would invariably ask for a free meal voucher to use on another occasion, to which she would reply sweetly, "If your meal was so awful tonight, why would you want to come back again?" Problem solved, or dissipated.

We need to fire our cleaner. We just don't know how to do it. Do we approach the cleaner in the first instance and give her yet another 'second chance'? Do we go directly to the company and complain, effectively undermining her or 'dobbing her in'? We have reluctantly paid her each fortnight (she is quick to ring up the very next day if her money hasn't come through, even if we are out too late to transfer the payment for that working day) but we’re hesitant to pay her for yesterday's dreadful job. Still, she was there for two hours 'working' in our home, even if she missed lots of things.

We've actually had a bad run of cleaners these past couple of years. Apparently we have a file with complaints about other cleaners, even though we've never actually complained to this company and regularly get asked that "if you have any problems at all, just call us" or "we can send another cleaner, if you want". Yet, we never do. Yes, we've also wondered if we're being too fussy, but paying $65 for a 'deluxe' clean that only took 40 minutes, or seeing that a cleaning brush we had left (with instructions) between the shower doors so she could use it to clean the glass hadn’t been moved, or coming home to see a biscuit the cat had found and dragged into the lounge was still on the floor after the cleaner had been there for two hours isn’t acceptable to us.

I think that my sweetie should fire her as the booking is under his name, but he thinks I should do it as I'm the one who leaves out the cleaning list for her and has spoken to her more.  Neither of us are good at rocking the boat but something needs to happen. (I'm determined it will be him.) It's all very well to say we should just be assertive and deal with the situation, but who actually find this easy to do? Does anyone actually ever feel good about complaining or speaking up?

Quite. a. day.

It has been quite. a. day. Do you ever have them? Actually, I've have quite. a. week. but it has certainly culminated today. I don't want to go as far as saying it's been quite. a. year.; after all, there are still a couple more months left. I've been handed a few more lemons recently and am finding it harder to get on and make lemonade. It will pass.

Without wanting to sound too much like Pascalle West, I need to continue to "focus on the beautiful positive". (Outrageous Fortune fans will know what I mean.) Some days I'm pretty good at it, but I think I can (un)successfully write today off. I'll try again tomorrow.

Coincidentally, I had booked in a relaxation massage at nourishe for this afternoon. As I have mentioned before, Deborah is a miracle worker and her massage skills were certainly put to good use today. She kneaded and rubbed out the tension that has been building in my body and sent me on my way feeling just that much better. But I think may be still a while yet before we chill the Pelorus and throw that lemonade party.

Pampering and high tea

Today is my friend's 40th birthday. Her partner organised a whole weekend of surprises for her, including a romantic weekend away in Martinborough, a six course meal with wine matching, and various other treats along the way. He asked myself and another friend if we could 'help' him by doing a "girlfriend girly girly soft and fluffy girlish thingie for her" today. Would we mind doing this to celebrate our friend's birthday? We were happy to oblige, especially when he said he had booked and paid for the three of us to have a two hour spa treatment, consisting of a massage, facial and foot bath "with wonderful luxurious copper foot baths and water jugs". While we conceded that this would require a lot of effort on our part, how could we refuse such a good friend? ;-)

And so we arrived in secret at Bodyhaven in the James Cook Hotel. The birthday girl was delivered to the door, very surprised to see us, and with no idea of what was ahead of her. We began with a relaxation massage, the three of us side by side and serenaded by the sound of rainforests. Under strict instructions from my osteopath to change positions every 15 minutes to prevent further damage to a disc in my back, this appeared to interfere with the masseuse's planned routine, so I found myself squirming and wriggling for the best part of an hour or so while she worked around my body. I hesitantly anticipated the facial, my first. I'm not sure what was in the face mask, or what was used to cleanse and exfoliate, but my face and neck is now super-smooth. However, I'm still slightly worried that my hypersensitive skin might start burning at some stage, as I've been known to have this reaction to even the most gentle of products (especially those containing sunblock). Time will tell!

The copper foot bath was ... interesting. Not being someone who is partial to having their feet (or legs) touched in the best of times, I found the temperature of the water almost unbearably hot and had to ask (beg?) for some cooler water to be added to the mix, even though we were assured that "the temperature is correct". Gulp. However, having Earl Grey tea leaves (which supposedly are good for softening skin) floating in the bowl ... well, I don't think I'll be repeating that experience in a hurry.

Then it was on to high tea. I had been particularly looking forward to this as I haven't had high tea before but am hoping to hold an outdoor tea party this summer and I need ideas for what to bake. We were offered a choice of teas or coffee to accompany our food. Starting on the bottom tier, we enjoyed mince savouries and delicate crustless club sandwiches skewered with stuffed olives. The middle tier held sweet treats: miniature cheesecake and brownie pieces and tiny cups of chocolate mousse. On top were small scones with jam and clotted cream, chocolate cookies and strawberries dipped in chocolate.

High tea at James Cook

What an amazing afternoon of pampering with girlfriends! I'd like it known that I'm happy to volunteer my services if anyone else needs 'help' of this kind for future events.

Relaxation massage

Today, I carried out a goal I was really looking forward to: #42 - Have a massage. After my relaxation massage course a few weeks ago, I was keen to get back onto the table for myself.

For Valentine's Day, my sweetie gave me a voucher for a relaxation massage. He shopped around and decided that nourishe was the place for me; he was right. Deborah performs miracles; she quickly figured out where the tension was in my body and worked to release it. I was tempted to stop and ask her a couple of times how she was doing certain things (which I didn't recognise from my course), but I was in such a state of bliss that I didn't want to move or even speak. I will definitely be back sometime in the future.

Ahhhh.

Relaxation massage course

I am a tactile person (not a kinesthetic learner), meaning that I like to touch and my senses are stimulated by touch. As a result, I love massage, both giving and receiving them. Mmmm.

A while ago I changed one of my goals to take a course in relaxation massage. (I find it hard enough to make it to my usual Ceroc classes each week, let alone a structured course in ballroom dancing, hence the change.) Massage something I've always been interesting in learning more about, after having years or remedial and relaxation massages myself. I'm not looking to set up my own business although, quite scarily, I'm now qualified to do so, as massage is an unregulated industry in New Zealand. I already have a willing line of friends along with my sweetie to practise on.

I spent Monday and Tuesday on a two-day 15 hour course in relaxation massage. We learned basic sequences for massaging the whole body, including a range of techniques which could be adapted and used on different parts of the body and for various effects. This includes both effleurage and petrissage strokes. It is incredibly important to be aware of your own posture as you give a massage; your body tells you very quickly when you're using your back/forearms etc to follow through with movements instead of bending your knees and using your whole body for support. I came home from both days physically exhausted and needing more massage myself ...

I was surprised at how much we managed to cover in two days. Each sequence involved watching a demonstration, then giving and receiving ourselves. Some parts were quite challenging; personal space goes entirely out the window, along with any inhibitions you may have!

My sweetie gave me a voucher for a relaxation massage on Valentine's Day. I'm now really looking forward to using it (well, I was looking forward to it anyway) but will no doubt experience this massage in a different way to how I have in the past. I might try and book in an appointment sometime next week. It's another goal for me, as was the course: #62 - Take a course in relaxation massage.

Having a massage

My 101 list appears to have been neglected a bit lately, but I can assure you that I'm working on a few of my ongoing or larger goals. For example, I'm reading at least one book a month (#1), blogging at least three times a week (#7, but you knew that already), trying new recipes (#87), and trying to find something to be happy and thankful for each day (#48).

Last night, I went to a combined bridal shower and hen's party. I know that sounds like trouble but, believe me, it was a great night and incredibly well behaved. As part of the festivities, the host hired a masseur (not that kind) so that guests could have chair massages (get your mind out of the gutter!). So, in the midst of the party, I got to enjoy 15 minutes of pure luxury in the hands of a genius, who rubbed and kneaded away at my tired and tense back, neck and shoulders.

I absolutely love massage (giving and receiving). Goal #42 was to treat myself by having a massage. I guess I've technically achieved that, but I'm going to put it in italics as a work in progress, as my massage last was really just a teaser, and a taste of what's to come when I have my full, 'real', massage. That's only fair, right? ;-)