The Dalai Lama teaches us how to live

A friend posted this on Facebook the other day. In among his usual guff and low brow jokes, there was this absolute gem.

Having spent years teetering on the cusps of stages 1-2 and 3-4, I'm determined there's no way I'm going to let stages 5-6 take me down.

Read it. Read it again. Live today. Such good advice.

1000 Awesome Things

Amazing things happen every day and there are multitudes of wonderful things around us for us to appreciate and enjoy. Life's simple pleasures. Many of them are free. But how do you find them in a world full of impending doom and gloom? Where are they hiding? And, once found, how do you partake?

It's easy. Or so says Neil Pasricha, author of the Webby award-winning 1000 Awesome Things blog. Depressed by reading bad news daily and with his marriage failing, Pasricha decided to try to focus on the positive and come up with 1000 simple, free, awesome things, posting one each day on a blog. The blog counts down backwards from 1000 and includes things like finding money you didn't even know you lost, wearing underwear just out of the dryer, sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out, and celebrating your pet's birthday even though they have no idea what's going on. These are tiny, inconsequential events in the bigger scheme of life, but aren't they wonderful? I think so!

Parischa has also collated 200 of his awesome things into a recently published book, The Book of Awesome (2010). If visits to his blog is anything to go by (around 12 million so far), this book is sure to be a runaway hit. I'm happy to stick with the digital version for now and have added the 1000 Awesome Things blog to my RSS feed reader. Apart from giving me a daily delivery of positive vibes, it'll also help me with goal #48 from my 101 in 1001 project: find something to be happy and thankful for each day. Done!

New beginnings

It's true when they say that "today is the first day of the rest of your life". That is, every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Yet, there is something so incredibly promising about a new calendar, an empty diary, and the hope of a fresh start that arrives on 1 January every year. I started my 101 in 1001 project on 1 July 2008 (not in the new year), but must admit that I chose a 'tidy' date, ie the start of a new month, to make my new beginning. I wonder why we see those kinds of dates as better times to start projects or make changes in our lives?

2010 is going to be a great one for me. Well, put it this way, I certainly don't want a repeat of 2009; I'm more than eager to write off last year and move on. I'm keen to make some new beginnings and explore new areas and interests in my life. One of these involves setting up my own business this year, and I have pre-enrolled in a course on small business management; this really excites me. I'm also more determined to follow my own path, wherever that may lead, instead of trying to figure out where other people expect me to be and measure my success accordingly. (I say that every year, lol.)

As always, I am not making new year's resolutions; I stopped setting myself up for annual guilt trips many years ago. I'm really keen to continue with my 101 project and have nearly 14 months left (gulp!). All in all, there are lots of exciting possibilities in front of me and I don't want my ongoing personal battle with low self-confidence to threaten them. The only way is up!

Happy new year to you all! Buon anno a tutti! May 2010 be as fabulous for you as it's going to be for me! :-)

Completely Lost for Words

I met a good friend and work colleague for lunch today and a long overdue catch up. She told me that she had thought of me while she was browsing through a book sale and found the perfect book for me: Completely Lost for Words, by Australian authors Kathy Schmidt and Louise Jourdan. She also bought a copy for herself at the same time. I guess it's ironic that neither of us are usually lost for words; in fact, some would argue that our problem is the opposite!

The book is full of creative quotes and messages for all occasions: weddings, babies, anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, sympathy, retirement, get well, bon voyage, apologies ... if you have ever been stuck for just the right thing to write inside a greeting card, then help is at hand.

Here is a random selection of a few quotes and phrases from my initial skim of the book:

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. Helen Keller
When you cease to dream, you cease to live. Malcolm Forbes
A human life is a story told by God. Hans Christian Andersen
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. Unknown
You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person you cannot live without. Unknown
The best of birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet. Robert Orben
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. Tom Wilson

Do you have any favourite quotes you dig out and use on certain occasions?

The fabled balance

On Friday, my work held a breakfast featuring the inspirational Tony Ryan as its guest speaker. A passionate educator, Tony's work easily spills over into every day life. He is a champion for the little guy; every little thing you do has an effect on someone else, whether or not you know it, and you are the most powerful person on the planet. His book (and blog), The Ripple Effect, echo this sentiment; one can't help feeling empowered by his messages. Every time I seriously consider leaving the education profession for good (like now), along comes something from Tony and I think "how can I leave - there's so much I can do!" I'm not entirely certain that's a good thing. ;-)

I have heard Tony speak several times, and had some great conversations with him over the years, yet I never tire of his messages, or the manner in which he delivers them. A few ideas and phrases caught my attention this time; he does not profess to lay claim to them all, but is keen to spread the word. The first message is: think outside the dodecahedron (because squares are so conventional!).

The second idea that caught my attention was the concept of introducing your physical self to your meta-self. This may sound all very technical and philosophical, but it's a great strategy for dealing with situations where emotions run high, or if you need some space away from a problem in order to gain a clearer perspective on it. By taking a step back from a situation and observing it from a distance, there is less chance of emotion or anxiety clouding the actual issue. He suggested that teachers try it the next time they get mauled by a parent. ;-)

The final concept that really struck a chord for me was the fabled balance. There are many ideas about finding balance in your life: work-life, self-family, inside-outside, etc. Tony suggests that the most important balance is 50:50 and it is yourself-others; this is all that really matters. While there may be times in your life when the balance is less than 50:50, if you tip the scales too far in one direction, or for too long, you will run into real problems. Wow!

What's your balance right now?

Maybe!

Stolen from a colleague's blog ... some inspiration to start your day - I love it!

Maybe!

Maybe . . . we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Maybe . . . when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.
Maybe . . . it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.
Maybe . . . the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe . . . you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.
Maybe . . . there are moments in life when you miss someone - a parent, a spouse, a love, a friend, a child - so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.
Maybe . . . the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe . . . you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe . . . you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.
Maybe . . . giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.
Maybe . . . happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe . . . you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away! Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile :-)

Maybe . . . you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.
Maybe . . . you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

Live well
Laugh often
Love much
and dance

Just girlfriends

A while ago, a friend of ours set up a blog called Just Girlfriends. Her intention was to ponder and celebrate female friendship and companionship. I wish she'd carried on blogging, as her entries so far have been incredibly thoughtful and insightful. If you're reading this, May, you know what to do!

A couple of weekends ago, I met up with someone I didn't know too well for coffee. She is having difficulty reconciling her split with a friend of ours and needed someone to talk to. I was a little hesitant to meet her as I wasn't sure what I could offer but went along anyway. We ended up having the most amazing conversation and truly bonded over coffee on a cold Sunday afternoon. I realised that all she really needed was to have a girlfriend to talk to, someone who would just listen, someone who maybe understood how she was feeling, someone to bounce ideas off but, most of all, just someone to be there for her. I came away feeling so glad that I could do that for her and very keen to meet up again.

Today is my very dear friend's 50th birthday. She is the type who will tell it to you straight, whether you want to hear it or not; we call her the Blunt Queen and we mean it in the most endearing way. She shoots from the hip and with alarming accuracy. What was meant to be me taking her out for lunch to celebrate (ie learn to accept) her 50th ended up with her administering a huge dose of the tonic I've needed for how I've been feeling lately. She truly is a gem and I am so thankful for her friendship. I'd like to think it's mutual.

Like Chicken Soup for the Soul, there is something about being around female friends that can only be good for you. I am incredibly lucky to have both a wonderful sweetie and some amazing female friends. I don't necessarily see them very often, and they each know me in a different way, but they are there and I hope I can repay their many favours. It took a long time to work out just who my true friends really are, and I certainly did not imagine that some would fit this description when I first met them. The list has fluctuated over the years, but its core remains the same; every addition is a bonus. Although the person I'd consider to be my best friend lives in Auckland, she has never been more than a phone call away for the last 15 years and, for that, I am truly grateful.

Here is just some of the Blunt Queen's advice from today, straight up and without sugar coating:

• Have regular "emotional dumps" with your girlfriends; that is what they are there for.
• Project what you want, not how you feel. Don't dwell on the negative/insecure feelings, especially after midnight. That's what you tell girlfriends about.
• Look at how people act and show you how they feel, rather than waiting for them to tell you. They may never tell you (and it doesn't matter if they don't) but that doesn't mean they don't feel it.
  
• Don't feel bad about taking your time to sort things out. If you need help, see point #1. Don't be afraid to ask for it.
• Forget any negative comments or insults you hear from others. What do they know anyway?
  
• Build up your sleep bank. There's no point having time to do this but lying awake fretting over things. You might not get this time again. (See point #1 again.)
• Do the things you want to do and feel good about doing it. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise or belittle you for it; you don't have to justify yourself to them.
  
• Not only are you good enough, but you are a better person than you will ever realise! Luckily, your friends know this already.
• Your family and friends are lucky to have you, not the other way around.
  
• True friends don't care how you look, what you wear, what you do for a living, what you own etc. They care about you.
  
• True friends only want what's best for you. They don't feel threatened by you and won't try to compete with you either.
  
• Live every day like it's your last. One day you will be right, and who wants to spend that day feeling anything less than wonderful?

Happy birthday, doll. You're right: #1 is what girlfriends are for.

When life gives you lemons

My sweetie and I have both been given lemons lately. In fact, today we were each given a whole bag, quite out of the blue. (You know I'm speaking metaphorically, right?)

They say that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. (Once again, who are "they"? They have a lot to say.) And so now we need to make lemonade. Lots of it. It's either that, or we'll end up totally bitter ingesting our lemons. It's not always easy, though, turning negative situations into something positive. Luckily we're here to support each other in the process.

We certainly have enough lemons to make lemonade. But what will our lemonade taste like? How will we make it? How do we get started? And when do we start planning to throw our lemonade party?

It's hard facing down the barrel of so much uncertainty. My work situation has been dodgy for a while, and another prospect closed for me today, but my sweetie's was always considered 'safe'; this has now changed. I usually try to make a conscious effort to put a positive spin on negative situations; it's not easy, but I've certainly improved in recent years. So, here I am trying to find a positive way through our current job situation. I know we'll get there, but it just might take a little time yet before we're ready to throw that lemonade party.

Famous failures

I know this is not a very positive title, but I came across this video today. I'm feeling a bit like I'm on the cusp on this, although I'm not pretending in any way that my current predicament is on the same scale.

The byline reads: "Don't be put off achieving your destiny, even if you have experienced failure in your life. This video mentions well known people who had failed, but kept pressing on until they became successful." I know I'm not 'failing'; I have actually achieved quite a lot and enjoyed many successes in my career. It's just good to be reminded that others have also faced challenges, but still successfully navigated them.

Famous failures

Value every minute

I love this poem. It's so true and incredibly inspiring. The author is unknown, so I'll plagarise it here:

To realise the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realise the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realise the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realise the value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realise the value of one minute: Ask the person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realise the value of one second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.
To realise the value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

OK, enough of the sentimentality. Café Chick's motives here are actually quite cheeky ...

Yesterday, I experienced a twist to this poem. I was invited to a friend's daughter's christening. It wasn't exactly something I was looking forward to; their first daughter's christening had its share of family dramas, which I'm thankful are mostly resolved now, but that's not the reason I was hoping to wrangle out of the invitation.

I really wasn't looking forward to facing the judge, jury, or any other members of the So have you sorted your life out yet? No? Well, you should just ... otherwise it's all your own fault Squad. This honorary society was formed a number of years ago and is made up of mostly school-friends, along with a collection of other acquaintances, some of whom know my family (and barely know me), but each have in common one or more (or a clean sweep!) of the following (none of which I have):

• a husband
• child/ren
• a picket fence and matching lifestyle in suburbia.

I had already planned to get my sweetie off the hook by saying he was at motorsport that day. (I actually thought he was going to be, but kept to the story even after we realised he wasn't.) I was trying to manufacture a way to put in an appearance, then leave as soon as I could after the service. My 'reason' turned out to be genuine; I was all set for the christening at 3.30pm.

Except it started at 3pm. Arriving at what I thought was ten minutes early, I gritted my teeth and prepared myself to walk into the onslaught, only to find everyone vacating the church and heading downstairs to the hall for afternoon tea. The service had finished; apparently it went well. Hmm, now what to do?

I was naughty. I popped downstairs, chatted briefly to various people from the squad (as well as the baby's parents and grandparents), then said my goodbyes and quietly slipped out. So far, I don't think anyone realised I missed the actual service; they just seem to think they didn't see me at the church because I was sitting at the back, or something! Talk about the value of twenty minutes ...

And that's the way it's going to stay. ;-)

Rethinking priorities

It's been a tough, trying time lately. Work has been unbelievably challenging and busy, planning for a conference for more than 2000 people last week. The event was spectacular, and our team achieved so much, yet the cost was also high. The long hours (7am - 11pm most days) have taken a toll on me both personally and physically. I'm sick again and have lost my voice. (Actually, I think my sweetie is kind of enjoying that part.)

It's time to reassess priorities. A couple of years ago, I was completely stuck in a workaholic rut, and I know I have tendencies to do this again. It took a huge wake-up call for me to change my ways. This time, I can see I've entered the decline, but can also recognise that I'm in time to do something about it before too much damage is done.

Two things have made this really clear to me. The first is a video I watched a few months ago after the death of Randy Pausch and revisited today. Randy was a professor of computer science at Carnegie Mellon University and his last lecture set the world on fire when it was released on YouTube. What made it even more memorable is that Randy knew he had terminal pancreatic cancer at the time, yet his lecture is upbeat, positive, and focuses on achieving your childhood dreams.

Watch it. All 1 hour 16 mins of it. Right to the end. The last line is incredibly poignant, and puts everything into perspective.



Randy Pausch died on 25 July 2008 and his legacy remains.

The second thing came from a headline I read this morning. Kyah is not expected to live until her third birthday next week, as her battle with neuroblastoma (cancer) returned last month. Her parents brought her birthday forward a week and threw a huge party at their home, some of which she was able to enjoy. Their blog about Kyah's journey is honest and emotional, and I will be glued to it during what might be Kyah's final week.

My situation is not anything like these two, but it's certainly time to rethink my priorities and regain balance in my life. Today was my first proper 'day off' from work in a very long time, and I spent much of it sleeping and a little bit of it getting some relaxation time in the sun. I want to go back to working towards my 101 in 1001 goals, as my intention with this project was to make the most of each and every day. I'm going to go back to dancing regularly, as I've missed it and our friends there. I want to take a lunch break during the day and not feel guilty about it. I want to appreciate my friends and enjoy the parties we are invited to, rather than viewing them as a costly distraction preventing me from getting more work done. I want to read for pleasure more frequently and spend more quality time with my sweetie, instead of working late each night and during the weekends when we should be enjoying the start of summer together.

Now, I just need people to make sure I stick to it!

Surfing on a raining day

Work has been quite excessive and reasonably stressful lately, with a quite few late nights and long hours in the weekend. Make no mistake: working from home is great, but you need to be incredibly disciplined - and not to keep yourself on-task, but to make sure you actually stop and take a break, because work is always waiting where your laptop is ...

I decided to stop early today after getting a reasonably big project off the ground. I saw a break in the weather, and planned a short trek around the corner for coffee ... but, of course, by the time I'd got my coat and bag it had started raining again. Oh well, that's what umbrellas are for. :-)

So I sat at a café, sipping a long black, and reading yesterday's Sunday magazine from the Sunday Star-Times. Trashy indulgence, and very 'Auckland' by nature; it always amuses me to be reminded of how different my life is to what they think mainstream NZ is. In it, I came across a few blogs and websites to look up and thought I'd share them.

• I Love Typography. This site is strangely fascinating. I wish more people understood the nuances of serif and sans serif fonts and when to use them. Part of my job involves web design (at a low-ish level) and I constantly have to battle those who don't have an ounce of design-savvy about them.
• Dr Demartini. This guy is high on life and the money he can make from 'inspiring' the lives of others; he's probably the kind you'd love or hate depending on your mood. I'm pretty neutral today, but can imagine days when he'd annoy the h*ll out of me.
• The Cupcake Project. Now, how's that for a title? With a byline of: Everyone has creativity inside them. Share yours by drawing a cupcake and adding it to The Cupcake Project ... well, how about going one better and actually baking a cupcake or 12? Yum.
• Tempt. For cupcakes you can actually eat, although they're so pretty and indulgent that you might not want to ...

What are some sites you've come across recently, 'just because'?

Inspiration

I came across this site recently. Depending on your mood, you can spend a lot of time getting lost in Pravsworld. There are quotes, tips, advice, images, and inspiration for all walks of life. Very New Age-ish, here is a sample from the site. Click on the image for a bigger version you can actually read. This one is about believing in yourself:

© Pravs World & Its Photographers

Well, speaking of being in the mood, QuoteXite is another site with quotes for every occasion. Some are famous; others are lesser known. They also have a range of poems, stories, wallpapers, and online cards. Here's a sample of a story, which I quite like. Again, click on the image for a readable version. This is called The Trouble Tree:


Finally, because it seems to be one of those days, Friendhugs has a whole range of things all about, well, friendship. Quotes, cards, poems, messages, wallpapers, songs, notes ... check them out. Some are very cutesy-pie, but I suppose that's to be expected on sites like this. Browse and be inspired!