House rules for cruising with friends

So you're going on a cruise! For two weeks! With friends, no less! A girls' only trip! Leave the boys at home!

It all sounds wonderful – and certainly is. Imagine: two and a half weeks of lying by the pool, eating heaps of yummy food, sipping endless cocktails, partying all night and throwing in a spot of duty free shopping every so often. Except it's not quite so wonderful if these activities aren't your idea of what you should do every day on holiday, or you want to try something different for a change, or even do something quiet by yourself occasionally.

Our group knew from the outset that one particular person was at risk of not returning. It was just a matter of who would do it, when and how. I'm pleased to report that we did survive the duration of the cruise, thanks to employing some survival tactics. It was tough at times to remain calm and patient but we can now repeat the wise words our cruise ship captain announced after each shore excursion, "all the souls are accounted for" – just.

House rules for cruising with friends

• Choose your cabin mates wisely. The cabins are very small and two weeks is a long time to spend with others in a confined space.
• Realise that not everybody has to or will want to do the same things at the same time – and that's perfectly ok. Desirable, even.
• Know who in your group is an extrovert, who the introverts are and have a plan for keeping everybody alive. Not as simple as it sounds.
• Realise that everyone has a different idea about what being on holiday means. For some it's drinking endless cocktails on a pool lounger. For others, it's having time out to quietly read a book or spending some time alone to recharge their energy.
• Have an understanding that if people get separated or want some time out that you'll meet up at a regular activity or meal. For us, it was the daily quiz at 5 pm or dinner at 7.30.
• Bring headphones and use them just like you would in an open plan office. They're a great way to carve out some personal space or even just to show others that you're not going to be part of this conversation.
• Let stuff go. Remember that you're all away for a break and a good time. Your holiday will fly by and you'll be back to reality before you know it so enjoy it while you can.

The best friendships

Received from a friend:

Sounds perfect to me!

Should We Stay Or Should We Go?

I went to my first Fringe Festival show for 2012 last night. Should We Stay Or Should We Go? is the classic story of an intercontinental relationship (played by a real life couple who are engaged to be married in April) where each half of the couple is literally from half a world away. So where should they settle down? In her home country or his? How about somewhere halfway between the two? Either way, someone is going to be missing out and some serious compromising is called for.

The show was well conceived, funny and generally work well. There were varying levels of success in the parts requiring audience participation but the couple's warmth and humour were apparent throughout. All in all, a great night out.

I saw the show with a very old friend. [Hold on - that doesn't sound too good.] I saw the show with someone I have been friends with for a very long time. (I am in no way suggesting she is very old; she wouldn't be impressed!) It seems like only a short while ago that she and I asked ourselves this very question as the couple in the show. At the end of our student days, we had similar goals: spend two years getting established in our chosen career then move to the UK for the great kiwi OE.

And then both our circumstances changed. She wanted to leave earlier than planned while I wasn't sure whether even our original timing was right. (OK, that's code for "there was a guy involved".) She left; I never made it out of the country apart from a few short trips. (The guy is long gone.) She came back to visit her parents every few years and we'd catch up briefly. "When are you coming to join me?" she would ask. It never happened.

Now, thirteen years later, I'm thrilled to have my friend back in my life after she moved back 'home' permanently a few months ago. Did it matter that I stayed while she went? Not at all! Our lives have taken on drastically different paths and she is finding her feet back in a city that has changed so much since she left but I am really enjoying us getting to know each other again at a time in my life when good friends are worth more than gold. In the meantime, there are coffees to be drunk, shows to be seen, dinners to be shared and many more years of friendship to look forward to.

Lazy Sunday

The rain is taking a break but it's still duvet day weather. My sweetie left relatively early this morning for motorsport. I decided to stay in bed where it was warm reading, surfing the net, and generally lazing about. I was just boasting to the Twitterverse that "I'm still in bed! #luxury" at 10:45am when I got a text message from a friend. Here's how our exchange went:

Him: Hey, I'm in ***, are u at home? Lets have lunch.
Me: Fantastic! Do I need to get out of my jamies? ;-) [Thinking I still had an hour or so to spare]
Him: I'll be knocking on your door in 2 min.
Me: Ru serious?? Ok, getting up now.
Knock knock knock! [30 seconds later ...]

Now, I absolutely love spontaneous catch-ups with friends who are in the area, or just saying hi. I love "meet you for coffee in half an hour" messages or "what are you guys up to tonight?" phone calls. And then came that knock on the door. By now I had managed to get out of bed and pull on my dressing gown, but that was it.

My friend was looking like a shaggy dog after a disastrous first date involving a very long walk in intermittent rain and thwarted lunch plans. (He did a runner after their walk and before she could hold him to their promised lunch, coming around instead to elicit some sympathy and lick his wounds.) I figured he could wait a bit while I jumped into the shower and got dressed.

We had coffee and lunch at La Bella Italia, the home of indulgent southern Italian comfort food and the ultimate Sunday lunch. It's a while since I've been there, and their prices have gone up substantially in that time. However, as always, the food is superb and enough to sustain us all day. The rest of my day has been equally relaxing and indulgent: baking sultana loaf, followed by more net surfing, reading, and playing with my two-year-old nephew. Yep, a lazy Sunday afternoon.



Lazy Sunday Afternoon - Small Faces

Just girlfriends

A while ago, a friend of ours set up a blog called Just Girlfriends. Her intention was to ponder and celebrate female friendship and companionship. I wish she'd carried on blogging, as her entries so far have been incredibly thoughtful and insightful. If you're reading this, May, you know what to do!

A couple of weekends ago, I met up with someone I didn't know too well for coffee. She is having difficulty reconciling her split with a friend of ours and needed someone to talk to. I was a little hesitant to meet her as I wasn't sure what I could offer but went along anyway. We ended up having the most amazing conversation and truly bonded over coffee on a cold Sunday afternoon. I realised that all she really needed was to have a girlfriend to talk to, someone who would just listen, someone who maybe understood how she was feeling, someone to bounce ideas off but, most of all, just someone to be there for her. I came away feeling so glad that I could do that for her and very keen to meet up again.

Today is my very dear friend's 50th birthday. She is the type who will tell it to you straight, whether you want to hear it or not; we call her the Blunt Queen and we mean it in the most endearing way. She shoots from the hip and with alarming accuracy. What was meant to be me taking her out for lunch to celebrate (ie learn to accept) her 50th ended up with her administering a huge dose of the tonic I've needed for how I've been feeling lately. She truly is a gem and I am so thankful for her friendship. I'd like to think it's mutual.

Like Chicken Soup for the Soul, there is something about being around female friends that can only be good for you. I am incredibly lucky to have both a wonderful sweetie and some amazing female friends. I don't necessarily see them very often, and they each know me in a different way, but they are there and I hope I can repay their many favours. It took a long time to work out just who my true friends really are, and I certainly did not imagine that some would fit this description when I first met them. The list has fluctuated over the years, but its core remains the same; every addition is a bonus. Although the person I'd consider to be my best friend lives in Auckland, she has never been more than a phone call away for the last 15 years and, for that, I am truly grateful.

Here is just some of the Blunt Queen's advice from today, straight up and without sugar coating:

• Have regular "emotional dumps" with your girlfriends; that is what they are there for.
• Project what you want, not how you feel. Don't dwell on the negative/insecure feelings, especially after midnight. That's what you tell girlfriends about.
• Look at how people act and show you how they feel, rather than waiting for them to tell you. They may never tell you (and it doesn't matter if they don't) but that doesn't mean they don't feel it.
  
• Don't feel bad about taking your time to sort things out. If you need help, see point #1. Don't be afraid to ask for it.
• Forget any negative comments or insults you hear from others. What do they know anyway?
  
• Build up your sleep bank. There's no point having time to do this but lying awake fretting over things. You might not get this time again. (See point #1 again.)
• Do the things you want to do and feel good about doing it. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise or belittle you for it; you don't have to justify yourself to them.
  
• Not only are you good enough, but you are a better person than you will ever realise! Luckily, your friends know this already.
• Your family and friends are lucky to have you, not the other way around.
  
• True friends don't care how you look, what you wear, what you do for a living, what you own etc. They care about you.
  
• True friends only want what's best for you. They don't feel threatened by you and won't try to compete with you either.
  
• Live every day like it's your last. One day you will be right, and who wants to spend that day feeling anything less than wonderful?

Happy birthday, doll. You're right: #1 is what girlfriends are for.

Girls' night out

We had a great night out on the town last night, just us girls. No boys allowed! Nine of us went out for a dinner at fantastic new restaurant, New Orleans. It's only been open about six weeks and already is making a name for itself. With an up-market beach theme, the atmosphere was enhanced with a jazz trio playing. Apparently it turns into a night club later in the evening, but we had moved on by then. Next stop, it was dancing at Madame Jo Jo's club in The Temperance. Other friends and groups joined us during the night including, alas, some boys.

Some observations from tonight:

• Girls can have a fantastic time out on their own without guys. Some of our group were newly single and wanting to experience 'life after the boy'; what better way to get back into things than with a group of girls?
  
  
• Guys seem to think we spend the whole night talking about them, or wanting them, or both. We don't - we're just fine, thanks! ;-)
  
  
• Guys also seem to think that a group of girls out on their own for a night means that we're just waiting for them to show up and impress us with their drunk dancing, then ride off into the night with them. Unlikely, fellas!
  
  
• I'm officially old. I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. My sweetie is away this weekend, but I was looking forward to girls' night, so decided to go for a while but have an early night. I was txting my sweetie goodnight and saying that I wasn't feeling great, and he replied with "Well you did say you were not going to stay long and it is almost 11 now." Almost 11? When did that become a late night? For someone who used to work through the night and say out until the sun was rising, it was a shock to realise that 11pm was now 'late' for me. For the record, I lasted until 1am, then couldn't get to my car quickly enough ...!
  
  
• Thankfully, I'm not the only one who seems to be over the whole clubbing scene. Some of my younger, funkier, and single friends also expressed this. Maybe there's hope for me yet!
  

A day in Auckland

We spent Friday in Auckland, the City of Sails and badly behaved weather. It went from being the hottest day in 137 years yesterday to a cooler, overcast day today. We arrived late last night in humid rain. Out came the umbrellas.

We're in Auckland for my sweetie's Christmas present; I had got him tickets to see Top Gear Live. Our time frame for Saturday is really quite tight, so we decided to see the Top Gear Exhibition a day before the show instead of at the same time. A very wise decision. Being a Friday afternoon, most of Auckland were still at work, school, or stuck in traffic, so we had open access to almost everything and very little waiting.

There were cars and cars and cars on display. Funny that! As expected, there were lots of car-related products and car enthusiast sales persons ... and then, something for me: competitions! Yes, I entered about eight competitions for a whole range of prizes; some I wouldn't mind winning and others I have no idea what they are, but that's not the point, really. Just the fact that I could win something is enough to draw me in. (It also got me a free sample of some miracle car cleaning product. Apparently it also does your shower; I wonder if he would have brought that up if he was trying to sell it to a guy?)

My sweetie had a go at driving a few laps of Bathurst on an advanced motion stimulator. And then a hyper stimulator. He took photos of the car he thinks he wants me to buy him. (I'm surprised by his choice; it was clunky, and not purple!)

Another highlight of this trip was being able to spend some time with my closest friend (goal #4). I don't get up to Auckland very often and she very rarely makes it down to Wellington, so this goal is a real treat for me. It was also the first time she got to meet my sweetie. (If you're a girl, you'll know how important this is.)

I met my best friend during our first week at teacher's college in 1993. She was studying in Wellington for two years, then spent the next few years following her partner around various towns and cities the North Island before settling in Auckland. 14 years, a husband and two children later (hers, not mine!), our friendship has largely developed over the phone. (She's only just recently managed to join the 2oth century and get Internet access at home - even though it's now the 21st century!) Dinner at her house tonight was the usual chaos of family and food; I love knowing that things don't change with us. Every time we meet up or talk, it picks up where we left off. I could go on, but let's just say that I feel really lucky to have such a long, enduring friendship.