Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Just girlfriends

A while ago, a friend of ours set up a blog called Just Girlfriends. Her intention was to ponder and celebrate female friendship and companionship. I wish she'd carried on blogging, as her entries so far have been incredibly thoughtful and insightful. If you're reading this, May, you know what to do!

A couple of weekends ago, I met up with someone I didn't know too well for coffee. She is having difficulty reconciling her split with a friend of ours and needed someone to talk to. I was a little hesitant to meet her as I wasn't sure what I could offer but went along anyway. We ended up having the most amazing conversation and truly bonded over coffee on a cold Sunday afternoon. I realised that all she really needed was to have a girlfriend to talk to, someone who would just listen, someone who maybe understood how she was feeling, someone to bounce ideas off but, most of all, just someone to be there for her. I came away feeling so glad that I could do that for her and very keen to meet up again.

Today is my very dear friend's 50th birthday. She is the type who will tell it to you straight, whether you want to hear it or not; we call her the Blunt Queen and we mean it in the most endearing way. She shoots from the hip and with alarming accuracy. What was meant to be me taking her out for lunch to celebrate (ie learn to accept) her 50th ended up with her administering a huge dose of the tonic I've needed for how I've been feeling lately. She truly is a gem and I am so thankful for her friendship. I'd like to think it's mutual.

Like Chicken Soup for the Soul, there is something about being around female friends that can only be good for you. I am incredibly lucky to have both a wonderful sweetie and some amazing female friends. I don't necessarily see them very often, and they each know me in a different way, but they are there and I hope I can repay their many favours. It took a long time to work out just who my true friends really are, and I certainly did not imagine that some would fit this description when I first met them. The list has fluctuated over the years, but its core remains the same; every addition is a bonus. Although the person I'd consider to be my best friend lives in Auckland, she has never been more than a phone call away for the last 15 years and, for that, I am truly grateful.

Here is just some of the Blunt Queen's advice from today, straight up and without sugar coating:
  • Have regular "emotional dumps" with your girlfriends; that is what they are there for.
  • Project what you want, not how you feel. Don't dwell on the negative/insecure feelings, especially after midnight. That's what you tell girlfriends about.
  • Look at how people act and show you how they feel, rather than waiting for them to tell you. They may never tell you (and it doesn't matter if they don't) but that doesn't mean they don't feel it.
  • Don't feel bad about taking your time to sort things out. If you need help, see point #1. Don't be afraid to ask for it.
  • Forget any negative comments or insults you hear from others. What do they know anyway?
  • Build up your sleep bank. There's no point having time to do this but lying awake fretting over things. You might not get this time again. (See point #1 again.)
  • Do the things you want to do and feel good about doing it. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise or belittle you for it; you don't have to justify yourself to them.
  • Not only are you good enough, but you are a better person than you will ever realise! Luckily, your friends know this already.
  • Your family and friends are lucky to have you, not the other way around.
  • True friends don't care how you look, what you wear, what you do for a living, what you own etc. They care about you.
  • True friends only want what's best for you. They don't feel threatened by you and won't try to compete with you either.
  • Live every day like it's your last. One day you will be right, and who wants to spend that day feeling anything less than wonderful?
Happy birthday, doll. You're right: #1 is what girlfriends are for.

1 comment:

Sab said...

That is awesome! I love those points! So true, your friend totally knows! Happy Birthday to her!