In my late teens, I went through a very difficult stage in my life and developed a dangerous habit of walking across rock pools late at night just to try and escape thoughts and events that were plaguing me. While I have not done this for many years now (and have no intention of starting it again any time soon), I was keen to recapture that feeling of calm as part of my 101 goals. I modified it to read #86 - Sit on the edge of a wharf/jetty.
This morning, I went for a 5km walk along the Petone Foreshore on a beautiful autumn day. I'd had a sleepless night contemplating stuff and needed to clear my mind. The jetty beckoned. Yesterday, I had a minor car crash (very small, no-one hurt, my fault, thankfully the other driver does not wish to pursue it further) and another tiny event yesterday morning triggered a floodgate of emotions. On my walk, and during my brief sit on the edge of the jetty, I started to compile a mental list of things I don't understand.
- Why does sleep elude us when we need or crave it most?
- How does precious time slip through our fingers at an alarmingly rapid rate, yet take practically forever to heal old wounds?
- How come we can't live today without technology and/or gadgets that we never knew we needed even a short time ago?
- Why are we not equipped with an 'off' switch for our brains? I'd be the first to buy one if they ever became available on the market.
- Why, when endless thoughts and worries are spooling through my mind, does my brain manage to find a matching earworm to really hammer the point home? Talk about rubbing it in!
- How do small, simple events, sounds, smells, or comments have the ability to trigger such a huge whirlpool of emotions?
- Why does it usually take some sort of wake-up call to do the things we want to do in our lives? Until these freak events happen, I'm guessing that most of us haven't even worked out what is important to us and what we value most.
- Why is self-acceptance so hard to achieve? I'm all for self-improvement, but have we gone too far? Why can't we be happy with who (and how) we are along the way?
- Why do we believe that our dreams are elusive, instead of making them happen or being happy with what we've got?